oh god the rape fog is back!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
