Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
