your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think I just sharted jello shots
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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