Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
