I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
