butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
