I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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