True but thats because hes a fetus.
worst night to have a conscience
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
