last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
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It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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