Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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