You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
