ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
