I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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