Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
