I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
