Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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