You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
