If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
