need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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