from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
