She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
