Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
