I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
