I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
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He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
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come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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