Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
