I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We are two peas in an std pod
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
