My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
its liver damage thursday
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
