Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
thus making me awesome and them whores
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
