no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
