I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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