Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
