yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
is wine microwaveable?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
