DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
