Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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