Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
