whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
