I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
