Plan B is the new Plan A
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
