we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
