I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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