i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
