i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Congratulations! We have a period
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