This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
