She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
