Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
