the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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