Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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