i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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