I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
