Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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