I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
