We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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