Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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