i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
