i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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