I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize