stop calling my apartment porn island.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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