So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
