What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
