I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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