Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
