That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
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Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
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