I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
