The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
