someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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