my vag is so smooth its legendary
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
