I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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