I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
