I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
