I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
