How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
