Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
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In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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