I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
