No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.