got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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