i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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