Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
