he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
